This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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