I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
