if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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