Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
