Someone shit on the floor
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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