I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
