Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
false alarm, still single
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
