Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
