woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
