Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
