Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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