its not stalking. its research.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
