Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I touched a dick in church today
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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