therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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