some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
