omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
