hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
