everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
