It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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