You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
