So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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