We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
