Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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