Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
