i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I FOUND THE LEGS
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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