fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
