I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
