i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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