Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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