Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she told me i tasted like america
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
