I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
