I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
