oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
