You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
