he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
