oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
