Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
