Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
