I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
