so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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