Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
