All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
