not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
