if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
