apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
