just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
