i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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