I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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