My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
