I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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