Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
